1. |
Road Construction
03:43
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Over this road there’s a tiny ridge
Get out the tools we need to build a bridge
Road construction!
Early in the morning before others go to work
That’s the best time to put asphalt over dirt
Road construction!
Flyin’ down the interstate at 65
In the corner of your eye you see a sign
It says “Road construction, next 100 miles”
Road construction, there go your smiles
Yeah, things were pretty cool, you were makin’ time
Now you’ll be stuck in South Dakota ’til the end of time
Because of road construction
Caution! Warning! Men at work!
Killin’ trees and movin’ earth!
Caution! Warning! Here they come!
They got big machines so they can do their
Road construction
We got four seasons here in the Midwest
There’s winter, there’s spring, there’s fall
And there is road construction
Jack hammers!
Road construction!
Words and music copyright ©1992 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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2. |
Winter!
03:39
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Got up this morning and I tried to start my car
All it did was spit and sputter, it wouldn’t go very far
Man at the gas station said it was the battery
Said he could fix me up for a small fee
Winter! I love you so
Winter! Can’t wait to go out the door
Winter! Look at all that snow
Winter! All right, it’s twenty below
Got me a new pair of gloves but I lost ’em the very next day
The frostbite on my hands soon should go away
I love it when the days are gray and snow falls from above
You would never catch me movin’ to Florida
Cuz I love winter! You make my day
Winter! It stays and stays and stays and stays
Winter! Look at all that snow
Winter! All right, it’s twenty below
Went outside, slipped on the ice and broke my ankle
Now I got some Tylenol with codeine for the pain
Pretty soon it will be green and spring will bring the rain
Then we’ll just be sittin’ around wishin’ it was winter again
Winter! You’re so damn good
Winter! Love you more than anybody should
Winter! Look at all that snow
Winter! All right, it’s twenty below
Words and music copyright ©1986 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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3. |
Go Beater Car Go
03:20
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Duct tape is holdin’ up the bumper
Muffler is draggin’ on the road
Got cables in case we need to jump her
And we constantly wonder: Will she go?
Go go beater car
Run run beater car
Go go beater car go
Go beater car go!
Big honkin’ crack across the windshield
Blowin’ clouds of blue smoke down the road
Slowin’ down to twenty on a long hill
And we’re just so thrilled when she goes
Go go beater car
Run run beater car
Go go beater car go
Go beater car go!
That two-tone paint job is a stunner
A perfect mix of rust, primer and chrome
The ad called her a “good runner”
And everyone wonders: How long can she go?
Go go beater car
Run run beater car
Go go beater car go
Go beater car go!
Go go beater car
I love my beater car!
Go go beater car go
Go go beater car go
Go go beater car go
Vroom vroom
Go – vroom vroom
Go – vroom vroom vroom!
Words and music copyright ©2005 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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4. |
Oh! Sandfly!
05:33
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Swarmin’ ’round your ankles in the quiet of the night
These pesky little buggers carry quite a bite
You’ll itch all day, you’ll itch all night
Oh no, it’s another sandfly bite
Oh! Sandfly!
I used to think that our skeeters were bad
But at least the little mozzies send a warning when they land
These down under nasties never make a sound
Then it’s munch, munch, munch!
A bunch more biting down
Oh! Sandfly!
Scratchin’ and scratchin’, my skin is turnin’ red
So full of venom I might as well be dead
The locals say just apply some vinegar
I say an AK-47 would be much handier
Oh! Sandfly!
Now we’re gone from the Land of the Long White Cloud
But we’ve got souvenirs that’d make the Kiwis proud
It’s not a wool jersey or a jar of Vegemite
It’s a body full of welts from their sandfly bites
Oh! Sandfly!
Words and music copyright ©1994, 1997 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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5. |
Groovy Town
04:26
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Well it’s 8:15, she’s on the 119
Waitin’ on the bus from the RTD
She’s got an Eco Pass and a skinny little ass
Waitin’ for her ride to take her to Groovy Town
There’s a woman from Jersey, one from Michigan too
There’s a couple from Kansas and a dude from Peru
California, Texas, yeah, they’re all represented
The natives, outnumbered, seem to resent it
East coast, west coast, across the sea
They come from all over to hang out in Groovy Town
On the Pearl Street Mall it’s a movie-set day
Beautiful people at the sidewalk cafes
Drinkin’ cappuccino and microbrews
Talkin’ on cell phones between bites of food
Got her choice of Thai or Ethiopian food
Mexican, Russian and Italian too
Maybe a veggie dog from the sidewalk vendor
She don’t care as long as he’s a big spender
Jump in his SUV and cruisin’ down Canyon
Drivin’ around, all around Groovy Town
Now I’m a Midwestern boy, no I can’t pretend
To be nothin’ else or keep up with the trends
Don’t got no fancy old house up on Mapleton Hill
No condo on Walnut that cost half a mil
Ain’t got no American Express corporate card
No fenced-in, manicured, fountain-filled yard
Yeah I live out on the plains
Where the rent is cheap
But I still like to drive in and peek in at Groovy Town
Can you dig the diversity?
Every shade of white you would ever want to see
Right here in Groovy Town
Words and music copyright ©1999 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved.
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6. |
Dad Car
02:54
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Perfect Colorado blonde in a Cabriolet
Top down, pony tail, Broadway
I’m driving this ’87 Aries’
She won’t even look my way
But that can’t chase this buzz away
Dad car, driving my dad car
Dad car, got a date in my dad car
Got a bashed-in fender and an oil leak
Blue book value is mighty weak
Chassis is rusty and the body’s beat
I’m so cheap but she thinks it’s sweet
She likes to see me drive up in my dad car
Dad car, Dad car
Now the stock market’s down but it don’t make me cry
I don’t wanna be no rich guy
You say wages are low and real estate’s high?
I don’t care as long as she’ll ride In my dad car
Dad car
She loves my Dad car
Words and music copyright ©1998 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved.
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7. |
Shitty Job
04:09
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Work smarter, work harder, we believe you can do more
And while you’re at it, be a good boy
Clean your desk and mop the floor
And all those awful Dilbert cartoons hangin on your wall?
Well, they’re sendin' the wrong message boy
We invite you to tear ’em down
I got a shitty job
You got a shitty job
We all got shitty jobs
Well I dread Monday morning
And the glare of the office lights
Answering twenty emails from a boss
Who stays up all night
Dreamin’ up bogus things to do
More shit work for me and you
How’d he get to be in charge, man?
He hasn’t got a clue
I got a shitty job
You got a shitty job
We all got shitty jobs
After many months of torture, yeah, many months of pain
I finally figured out that I had no one else to blame
So I marched up to the boss and with no animosity
I spoke the words that set my spirit free
I quit this shitty job
I don’t need this shitty job
So long to this shitty job!
Words and music copyright ©1997 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved.
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8. |
It's a Big Dumb World
02:18
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Cross-dressin’ chimps on the TV show
Crooks in the clink and on the old Dow Jones
Spinnin’ nothin’ into gold
It’s a big dumb world
Crazy people on the radio
Who gave them the microphone
To masquerade their bull as gold?
It’s a big dumb world
Too many people on the telephone
Got more stuff that can’t be sold
Spinnin’ thin air into gold
It’s a big dumb world
I used to put up a fight Now I just smile
Cuz I know it’s all right
Scully and Fox and the cig-smokin’ dude
I’m hooked by God, nothin’ I can do
You say it’s crap, I say it’s gold
It’s a big dumb world
Billion-dollar babies
On the football field
CEOs with eight-figure deals
Sometimes I wonder if anything’s real
It’s a big dumb world
Words and music copyright ©1998 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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9. |
Boys Can't Be Trusted
03:59
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Girl and boy, both age two
What’s the difference between the two?
Is the thing already set
Or is it to be learned yet?
Girl and boy pullin’ doggy’s tail
Poor little puppy starts to wail
Girl says stop, he don’t like it
Boy keeps pullin’ ’til he gets bit
Boys can’t be trusted
Man and boy, age 22
What’s the difference between the two?
One don’t lie because he loves
One don’t care but says he does
Scientists have the cure
To stop babies before they grow
One for girls, one for boys
Guess who gets to make the choice?
Boys can’t be trusted
Words and music copyright ©1993 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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10. |
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Sorry, forgot my tie-dyed T-shirt
Outgrew it back in ’79
Pardon, don’t drive my VW microbus
The tranny blew in ’85
’Scuse me, sold all of my Dead records
Did not replace ’em on CD
Sorry, didn’t order cappuccino
Plain old coffee’s good enough for me
Sorry, I’m kind of out of touch lately
Can’t tell you who’s on MTV
Wouldn’t know Pavement from cement on the highway
Don’t know Green Day from green tea
Sorry, I was born in the ’50s
I’m on the other side of thirty
I ain’t marchin’ for no no-nuke causes
Cuz it really don’t do a thing
I don’t frequent no after-bar parties
I don’t feel like getting high
I don’t drive around in no Isuzu Trooper
With subwoofers piled up to the sky
I beg forgiveness, I know my face is clean-shaven
But I just won’t grow no goatee
Ain’t got no tattoos, ain’t got no tongue- or nose-ring
It just all looks too painful to me
Sorry, I said I’m sorry...
Words and music ©1994 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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11. |
Heilemans
05:21
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When you smell the yeast goin’ up your nose
You know La Crosse business is givin’ you the hose
It’s great to drink but it’s terrible to smell
It can only be the one and only
Heileman’s! They make a lot of money
Heileman’s! They’re neat for the town
Heileman’s! A big success story
But they smell really bad sometimes
Saturday night you put it in one end
Sunday mornin’ it comes out the other end
And it leaves you stranded in bed
And all day it rules your head
Heileman’s! They make a lot of money
Heileman’s! They’re neat for the town
Heileman’s! A big success story
But they smell really bad sometimes
Russell Cleary was a big man in this town
Workin’ from sunup until sundown
Buyin’ up breweries and brewin’ up beer
Then he sold out to some Australian
And he got the hell out of
Heileman’s! They make a lot of money
Heileman’s! They’re neat for the town
Heileman’s! A big success story
But they smell really bad sometimes
Let me introduce you to Power Master
It’ll take you to Nirvana So much faster
With just a little bit of PowerMaster
Unless you’re a priest
Or a media beast
Or a cop on the beat
Or some kids on the street
It’s our great song and you can’t sing any of it
La la la la la
We originally wrote this tune back in 1984
When gettin’ ripped was lots of fun but it ain’t anymore
Now we’re drinkin’ water, they sell it in a can
Lemon, lime and raspberry
I’ve got a sober band thanks to
Heileman’s! They make a lot of money
Heileman’s! They’re neat for the town
Heileman’s! A big success story
But they smell really bad sometimes
Words and music ©1984, 1991 Mike Starling/Todd Haefer/Bob Mueller
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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12. |
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Drum machine and a Casio
In the basement studio
Drum machine and a Casio
It’s out of control
We’re the last generation of rock & roll
I don’t listen to the radio
I’m gonna make a video
So forget about the radio
It didn’t die before it got old
We’re the last generation of rock & roll
I used to read the Rolling Stone
Now it’s just turned into Vogue
For the yuppies and the Deadhead clones
Used to read the Rolling Stone
It didn’t die before it got old
We’re the last generation
We’re the last generation
We’re the last generation of rock & roll
Words and music copyright ©1992 Mike Starling
Published by Bean Hoy Music (BMI)
Lyrics reprinted by permission
All rights reserved
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Bean Hoy
COOL MUSIC FOR A BIG DUMB WORLD: Bean Hoy's songs "are a laundry list of local and national maladies, often depicted with a dark sense of humor. As often as not, the music is as playful as the words. All in all, a reflection of inane pop culture, where one no longer condemns the plastic world around us but instead videotapes it for later when there's nothing else on." –LAX magazine ... more
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